Luppi's Ultimate Sleepover
by IAmNotASardine
Summary: It's Saturday night and Luppi has nothing to do. So, he decides to throw a sleepover in his room and have some fun. Unfortunately, some wild things happen too! Warning; Strong language. Don't read if you aren't able to handle.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n- **_I don't even know WHY I wrote this dreaded thing honestly. When I'm in one of my "goofy" moods, this is what happens. I'm not happy with this fic, but my opinion doesn't matter since i'm not the one reading it. :P_

_If it's too weird or cracky for your mind, I apologise. I had a lot of caffiene when I wrote this....unfortunately. ^^; _

**Disclaimer-**I do not own Bleach. Contains some-what strong language. I wouldn't read if you are not mature enough to handle. Please enjoy darlings. ^^

* * *

Luppi- Alright, is everybody here? *holding a list*

Yammy- I don't see why we be freakin havin' a sleepover in our own crib dawg!

Luppi- STFU Yammy, **I **am the host, not **YOU**. So...shut up. *sticks tongue out*

Halibel- *muffled speaking*

Yammy- What'd you say foo?

Szayel- Well, according to my calculations, from the looks of it, she said "MMMMPH Mmmh mmmhhhhp hhmmph".

Yammy- NO! I meant....AH GOD NEVER MIND!

Ulquiorra- *sigh*

Barragan- AHHHH!!!! ALIENS!!!! NOOO!!!!! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HUEVOS RANCHEROS!?!?!

Ulquiorra- It's 'Hueco Mundo'

Luppi- *sigh* Barragan, have you forgotten to take your alziemer's meds today?

Ulquiorra- Why....why....why...

Luppi- Ulqui-kun, what did we talk about yesterday?

Ulquiorra- Do not call me that Luppi.

Luppi- Omg...you FORGOT?

Ulquiorra- I have no idea what you are talking about.

Grimmjow- *interrupts* MOVING ALONG GOD DAMMIT GOSH WHAT THE HELL?!?!! START THE FREAKING PARTY ALREADY!!! I HAD TO MISS ANOTHER FIGHT WITH ICHIGO FOR THIS SHIT!

Yammy- Foo, don' be commin' in hea talkin' shit bout people!

Grimmjow- SHUT THE HELL UP YAMMY!!!!!

Luppi- Grimmjow, keep your voice down or I'll tell Aizen that you poured walnuts in his underwear drawer.

Espada- *Looking at Grimmjow*

Grimmjow- ....how'd you know about that?

Luppi- *sigh* Ulqui-kun's eye?! WTF ELSE?!

Grimmjow- HOW?!?!?!

Ulquiorra- Because you can't handle things by yourself so I was told by Aizen a while back to keep an eye on you after that reckless incident you pulled in the world of the living.

Szayel- HA! Get it? Keep an eye on you?

Grimmjow- WTF ever...

Luppi- TIME FOR GAMES!!!!

Halibel- *muffled speaking*

Espada- "What'd she say?"

Luppi- Don't know, don't care. It's time for SPIN TEH BOTTLE!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Everybody sit in a circle!

Yammy- I ain't kissing no mofukkin' man up in hea, know what I'm sayin? *looks at Ulquiorra*

Ulquiorra- *no response*

Luppi- That's cause' Ulqui-kun is MINE and MINE only.

Yammy- Hol'up mofukka!!! How long you been togetha?

Ulquiorra- We never were-OOMPH!!

Luppi- *holding his hand over Ulquiorra's mouth* Don't listen to him. We've been together for two months now. *let's go*

Ulquiorra- I would never date this trash.

Szayel- OOOOOO! What did you two little foxes do?

Espada- *All lean in*

Ulquiorra- Nothi-OOMPH!

Luppi- *holds his mouth again* We did all sorts of things! Kissed, held hands, star gazed, embraced! It was so wonderful! Then that stupid little oranged haired idiot had to ruin everything!!! *cries*

Szayel- *fangirl squeal*

Ulquiorra- *rolls his eyes*

Grimmjow- ICHIGO KISSED YOU!?!?!!?!?!? *balls fist up in jealousy*

Luppi- NO YOU IDIOT! ORIHIME! *cringes in disgust*

Grimmjow- Oh...*exhales in relief*

Yammy- Hol'up foo...why you all happy n' shit Grimmjow? You jealous if it HAD been Ichigo?

Grimmjow- OF COURSE NOT!!! WHAT THE HELL YAMMY!? WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR!?!?!? GAY?!?!?!

Espada- "Yes"

Grimmjow- WHAAAAAAAA?!?!!?!?!

Ulquiorra- Face it Grimmjow, we all know that you like Ichigo. Hell, you revived him after I killed him, for what reasons.....I have no clue.

Espada- *staring at Grimmjow*

Yammy- WHAT THE FUK?

Luppi- This discussion is OVER! Yammy, you go first. Spin the bottle and whoever it lands on, YOU have to kiss them!

Szayel- Let's hope it's NOT me.

Ulquiorra- +1

Grimmjow- +$

Espada- *looks at Grimmjow*

Luppi- Uhhh....Grimmjow-

Grimmjow- I KNOW ALREADY! GOD IT'S A "$" SIGN!!! I DON'T FUCKING CARE! YOU IDIOTS SHOULD HAVE ENOUGH COMMON SENSE TO KNOW IT'S A FOUR!

Szayel- Rawr...somebody's in a bad mood. *frowns*

Grimmjow- *breaks Szayel's glasses*

Szayel- MOFUKKA!!

Yammy- Hol'up mofukka! Did you just say 'mofukka'? Mofukka that's MY WORD!

Szayel- *cries*

Luppi- SPIN THE BOTTLE ALREADY!!!

Yammy- *spins the bottle*

~Bottle spins and spins and spins then finally stops at...~

Ulquiorra- *snorts*

Szayel- Oh my!

Stark- I'm tired... *falls asleep*

Grimmjow- *smirks*

Luppi- *whistles*

~Everybody stares at Halibel~

Halibel- *muffles*

Luppi- Halibel, YOU GOTTA KISS YAMMY!!!! Pucker up sugar! Time for action!

Grimmjow- If you want Yammy, I'll kiss her for ya. *snickers*

Yammy- Aw hell naw mofukka! Dizz bitch mine!

~They kiss~

Halibel- Don'chu be askin' me fo nuthin again boy! I ain't yo bitch! *puts mouth cover back on*

Yammy- Girl you betta be watchin yo mouth!

Luppi- YAY! Now Yammy, pick somebody to spin!

Yammy- I pick....

Espada- *lean in with anticipation*

Yammy- ...Grimmjow!

Ulquiorra- Hn...

Grimmjow- Ugh WHATEVER!!! GOD! *spins*

~The bottle spins and spins and-...never mind...~

Luppi- OH MY GOSHNESS!!

Ulquiorra- *vomits*

Stark- zzzzzzzzzzzzz *been asleep*

Halibel- *muffled laughter*

Yammy- Aw HELL NAW MOFUKKA! HAHAHAHAHA!!

Szayel- HAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU GOTTA KISS BARRAGAN!!!

Barragan- What? *squints over at Grimmjow hazily* Mary? Is that you?

Luppi- AW HOW SWEET! He thinks you're his deceased wife!

Grimmjow- HELL NO!!!!!! I AM NOT KISSING A MAN AND ESPECIALLY AN OLD MAN!! I MEAN, LOOK AT HIM!!!

Barragan- My cat farted....

Grimmjow- HE'S AN IDIOT!!!!

Luppi- Ah ah ah!! Not so fast! KISS HIM Or I'll tell Aizen that you made out with Tousen in the laundry room.

Grimmjow- I DID NOT!

Luppi- I know....but hell, Aizen will believe me anyways, even if it IS a lie. *snickers evily*

Grimmjow- *balls fist up* Why you little- I thought I killed you!

Luppi- I ressurrected myself after I realised that I was about to miss the latest episode of "Are You Smarter Than An Espada".

Ulquiorra- *meditating while chanting* Trash trash trash trash trash trash trash trash trash...

Luppi- NOW PUCKER UP!!! Get your flavoured gloss out honey cuz this one's gonna be GOOD! *laughs*

* * *

**A/n- Reviews are much appreciated! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n- I do not own Bleach.**

Grimmjow- I AM NOT KISSING HIM! NO NO NO! I REFUSE!

Luppi- Either that, or kiss and tell with Tousen. Your choice...

Yammy- HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Grimmjow- STFU YAMMY!

Yammy- Mo'fuk-

Szayel- Grimmy, just kiss the old man already! *puppy dog eyes*

Grimmjow- NO!

Luppi- Do it....OR ELSE!

Grimmjow- Or else WHAT?

Luppi- I'll turn that number 6 tattoo into 666!

Grimmjow- YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

Luppi- OH YEAH!??!

Nnoitora- Hey GUYS! Hehehehehe!!!!! What's up? Did I miss anything? He?

Ulquiorra- Nothing worth NOT missing...

Nnoitora- Nyehehehe!! What do we have here? Hehe?

Luppi- Oh, HI Nnoitora! We're playing spin the bottle and it's Grimmjow's turn.

Yammy- Stupid foo! He's gotta kiss the old man! HA!

Nnoitora- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I don't feel a damn bit sorry for you either! Hehehehe!!

Grimmjow- STFU NNOITORA!

Ulquiorra- *interrupts* I have a question.

Espada- *lean in*

Ulquiorra- Are there any snacks and refreshments available? I'm assuming that since this is a sleepover, there are? Correct?

Luppi- OH MY GOD! ULQUI-KUN! I almost forgot! HOLD ON DARLING! I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING!!

Ulquiorra- *smacks his forehead* Trash trash trash trash...

~Luppi runs and comes back with a bunch of snacks and drinks~

Yammy- Bout damn time!

Halibel- *muffles*

Szayel- Hey, has anybody seen Stark?

Espada- *all look around*

Barragan- I like tootsie rolls!

Stark- zzzzzzzzzzz....*still asleep under the table*

Luppi- Hm....guess he couldn't handle the HARDCORENESS OF MY PARTY!!!! MWUAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! FEAR ME! THE ALL MIGHTY POWERFUL LUPPI-KUN!!!! I'LL TEAR YOU APART AND EAT YOUR SOUL!!!! HITSUGAYA WILL FOREVER ROT!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAA!

~Crickets chirping in the background~

Grimmjow- Ey....didn't you get your ass kicked by Hitsugaya?

Luppi- .....shut up.

Yammy- Oh hell yea foo, I remember that fight!!! I kicked most ass up in there!

Grimmjow- So....do I still gotta kiss the old man?

Nnoitora- Hehehehe!!! Just get on with the next thing. He? I don't wanna see this loser kiss another loser anyway.

Grimmjow- LOSER!?!?!?!?!!?!!?! MOTHERF-

Barragan- *Takes 4 sodas and chugs them* Ah. Thank you Lucy.

Luppi- It's LUPPI!! LOO-PEE!

Szayel- Y'know Barragan, you shouldn't drink too much soda or else-

Barragan- SUGAR RUSH!!!!!!! *starts breaking things and running around in release mode*

Yammy- RUN BITCHES!!!! RUN!! HE'S GONE CRAZY!!!

~Glitter, Luppi's dirty underwear, PS3, and blankets fly everywhere~

Luppi- NOOOOO!!! MY PS3!!! *Cries hysterically*

Grimmjow- *dirty underwear lands on his head* HOLY SHIT! AHHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!

Ulquiorra- *Leaves to Orihime's room*

Halibel- *Sits there like nothing's happening*

Barragan- I need a nap...*crashes and goes to sleep*

Luppi- I PAID SO MUCH FOR THAT THING!!!!

Stark- *wakes up* Ahhh, that was the stuff. HEY SODA!

Espada- NOOOOOOO!!!!!! DON'T!

Stark- *drinks four sodas* SUGAR!!!!!....rush? *scratches head in confusion* Nothing's happening.

Ulquiorra- I'm coming in. *enters*

Luppi- Dude, you sound like a freaking police officer when you say that...

Ulquiorra- Bite me.

Luppi- Mmmmhh....with pleasure...*licks lips*

Grimmjow- Ugh...*rolls eyes*

Nnoitora- ORIHIME!!!!!!!! Nyehhehehehe!!!!

Orihime- Uhhh....hi?

Luppi- Orihime? WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?!?!?! ULQUI? I thought we were one!

Ulquiorra- What are you talking about?

Luppi- You cheated on me?!??!?!

Ulquiorra- We were never together Luppi, and me and this woman aren't either. Aizen instructed me to entertain her between the hours 4:00 pm and 5:00 pm. And that's what I am doing.

Nnoitora- Hehehehe!!! Entertain...*snickers*

Grimmjow- *snickers also*

Barragan- I like snickers...

Luppi- I thought you were asleep?

Barragan- HUEVOS RANCHEROS!!!

Ulquiorra- It's 'Hueco Mundo'. Get it right you filthy trash.

Yammy- So Luppi, what's next?

Luppi- THAT'S RIGHT! ANOTHER GAME!!! YAY!!!!!

Grimmjow- If it's anything involving-

Luppi- TRUTH OR DARE! DUN DUN DUN!!!

Szayel- OOO!!! This sounds interesting!

Yammy-AWW HELL YEA MOFUKKA! I be pwnin up in diss bizznitch!!

Luppi- Alright bitches, this how it works; I go first and I pick a person that has to choose either truth or dare and they HAVE to do it.

Grimmjow- Sounds good to me. *stares lecherously at Orihime* Since he said....DO IT.

Ulquiorra- Whatever.

Luppi- OKAY!!!! I'll start with YOU Szayel! Truth or DARE?

Espada- *lean in with anticipation*

Szayel- ......WHAT? Stop staring! I have a social disorder...

Espada- * stop*

Yammy- Aw hell yea dawg! This mah song right here! *turns up the radio*

Grimmjow- Hey, I like the beat to that. What's it called?

Yammy- Crank That Hollow Mask

Espada- .......

Grimmjow- Figures...

Szayel- DARE!

Luppi- I KNEW IT! Are you READY FOR THE MOST DARING DARE OF ALL THE DARES IN DAREING NESS DARE HISTORY OF DARING DARES IN THE DARINGEST DARING WORLD OF DAREING HUECO MUNDO!?!!?!?

Szayel- Sure why not?

Luppi- I dare you...

Szayel- Yes?

Luppi- ...to...

Szayel- Go on...

Luppi- EAT AIZEN'S ROTTEN EGG GRAVY CRAB LICORICE GARLIC TOMATO AND CARAMEL ICE CREAM!!!

Espada- *vomit*

Szayel- Sure! I don't see why not?

Luppi- ....You mean....you LIKE that stuff?

Szayel- Yes!

Luppi- NO FAIR!!!! I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE GOOD TOO!!!!

Szayel- *eats the ice cream* MMMMM!!! IT'S MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!

Lucky Charms Dude- I KNOW!!!

Espada- *Stares at him*

Yammy- The fuk's going on in here? LEPROCHAUNS?!

Grimmjow- How the hell'd you get in here?

Lucky- *runs*

Yammy- Okay?

Luppi- Don't ask. Anyways, It's time for SUPER AWESOME BADASS PRANK PEOPLE BY RINGING THERE DOORBELLS AND RUNNING TIME!!!

Espada (except for Ulquiorra)- YAY!!!!!

Luppi- Awww....c'mon Ulqui-kun, why so upset? Don't you wanna have fun too?

Ulquiorra- Fun?

Luppi- Don't tell me you don't know what fun is.

Ulquiorra- That word is not in my vocabulary....

Luppi- Well....I'LL TELL YOU! Fun is.....uhhh.....fun is....erm....hold on, let me sing it for you!

Ulquiorra- Oh god...

Luppi- "F" is for friends who do stuff together, "U" is for U and ME, "N" Is for anywhere at anytime at all

Espada- DOWN HERE WITH OUR FRIEND LUPPI!!!!!

Ulquiorra- "T" is for trash, "T" is for trash, "T" is for trasssssshhhh, "T" is for trash, "T" is for trash!!!!

Espada- TRASH TRASH TRASH TRASH TRASH TRASH TRASSSSSSHHHH!!!!!!

Luppi- OH GOD!!!! THAT REMINDS ME!

Yammy- Purple drank?

Nnoitora- Orihime without a shirt?

Barragan- HEMMORIODS?!?

Grimmjow- ICHIG- I MEAN KILLING PEOPLE?

Szayel- Shower time with Ulquiorra?

Luppi- EVEN BETTER!!!!! Well....except for the hemmoroids...that was a little too far...

Ulquiorra- I don't even wanna know...

Luppi- I'm glad you asked Ulqui!

Ulquiorra- Please kill me now...

Luppi- *goes into his closet and comes out with a little box in his hand* Open it Ulqui-kun.

Ulquiorra- *opens the box* A hotel key?

Yammy- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Szayel- Oohohohoho!! *fangirl squeal*

Grimmjow- *thinking about Ichigo*

Stark- I'm tired again... *falls asleep*

Luppi- THAT'S RIGHT ULQUI! A hotel key reserved for one night for two people with ONE bed.

Ulquiorra- And who are those TWO people?

Luppi- Guess.

Ulquiorra- GOD DAMMIT I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR GUESSING GAMES YOU TRASH!

Luppi- Ooh....so feisty!

Grimmjow- Is it Luppi and Ulquiorra?

Luppi- DING DING DING! YOU my good sir are correctumundo!

Grimmjow- Fucking SWEET! What's my prize?

Luppi- A makeout session from Ichigo in the shower.

Grimmjow- WOOOO!!! FUCK YOU BITCHES!! YEAH!!! WOOHOO!! YEAH!! WHAT NOW?!??! THATS RIGHT GET JEALOUS B-

Espada- *staring at him*

Grimmjow- ...........

Luppi- Looks like we have a confession!

Szayel- OHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!

Yammy- HAHAHA!!! You sounded like Matsumoto just now Szayel.

Szayel- Lol srsly...

Grimmjow- I-IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK I SWEAR!

Luppi- No denying it! Look at that blush streaking across your cheeks! How adorable!

Grimmjow- I WAS LYING! I WAS JUST MAKING THAT SHIT UP! YOU FELL FOR IT!

Luppi- Yeah yeah yeah...whatever Grimmjow. And I don't have a pink sword....

Ulquiorra- Why do you want me to sleep with you Luppi?

Luppi- Because YOU are my sexiest fantasy mmmmhhhh....*licks lips* and you WILL be mine... *kisses Ulquiorra's cheek*

Szayel and Nnoitora- *fangirl squeal*

Ulquiorra- No.

Luppi- WHY NOT?!?!!?

Ulquiorra- Because I said so.

Szayel- Ohohohohoho! Do I sense some Alpha male competition?

Luppi- NO I AM THE ALPHA NOT HIM! I am HIS MASTER! He obeys ME in this relationship!

Ulquiorra- We aren't even in any relationsh-OOMPH!

Luppi- What's THAT? Speak up I can't hear you.

Ulquiorra- Mmmmpphhhkick.......mmhphmmhphhhass.......mmpppoohmmhhwhen......mmpphmmhmhhpphdone...

Luppi- What? You want me to tap that ass?

Szayel- OOOOOO!!!!! THIS IS GETTING HOT!!!!!!

Luppi- Tsk, getting ahead of ourselves aren't we Ulqui-kun? *Chains him to a bedpost* Now, be a good boy and stay in here until the party's over. THEN it's HOTEL TIME! NYEHEHEAAAAA!!!

Szayel- *dies from nosebleed*

Grimmjow- *mumbling* Man...I wish Ichigo would do that to me..

Yammy- What?

Grimmjow- I WANNA KICK ICHIGO KUROSAKI'S ASS!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAA!!!! I WANNA KILL HIM!!!!

Stark- Shut the hell up and go eat some catnip. We all know you want Ichigo's ass already....sheesh stop hiding it!

Grimmjow- YOU MOTHERF-

Halibel- Yo what up bitches?

Stark- Ey girl, where've you been? *drinks more energy drinks*

Halibel- Man, me and Wonderweiss was kicking ass in some DDR against Tousen and Gin! Ya'll should saw!

Yammy- Yo yo yo ho'up girl! You be playing DDR and you ain't even be tellin' me?

Halibel- Bitch I ain't gotta tell you nuthin!

Yammy- SAY WHAT?!

Halibel- *snaps her fingers at him*

Yammy- Don' be snappin at me!

Barragan- DDR DDR DDR DDR DDR DDR!!!

Luppi- DUDE CALM DOWN! Go pop an Adderall or something SHEESH!

Yammy- Hey, I got an idea. How bout we play go-fish?

Szayel- Sounds good to me! Besides, I don't feel like ringing anybody's doorbell.

Nnoitora- Nyeh, plus nobody lives around here but us nyehehe.

Szayel- Plus, I'm very strategic in card games so this should be fun!

Luppi- *breaks out the cards* WHO'S IN!?

**A/n- Review please?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n- I do not own Bleach.**

* * *

**~In Wonderweiss's room...~**

Nnoitora-Nyehehe....hey Halibel...guess what?

Halibel- Man, get yo big ass head out of the way! You blockin' the screen!

Tousen- !!!! *runs in the bathroom*

Nnoitora- He? What the hell did he say? Nyeh?

Halibel- Who knows. *shrugs*

~Somebody knocks and comes in~

Szayel- Hey guys! I just came to bring you my newest invention! It's the "Wonderweiss language translator" since that little shit can't talk right.

Halibel- Tell me about it! *rolls her eyes* That one time when we was playin some games and he be kickin ass on his Xbox360 online, he be saying shit I can't even understand to people!

Nnoitora- Nyeh! I know. All he knows how to speak is algebra...

Wonderweiss- E=mc2!!!!!!

Halibel- What'd the fuk he say?

Szayel- *translates* He said "I want a McFlurry."

Nnoitora- ME TOO! Nyeh.

Halibel- How about you learn to talk right FOO!

Wonderweiss- C= 4x +16y!!!!

Szayel- He said "Fine."

Nnoitora- Ehyehe. Hey SzayelAporro, wanna kick some ass in Halo wars with us?

Szayel- COUNT ME IN!

**~Back in Luppi's Room...~**

Yammy- Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Luppi- What Yammy?

Yammy- Yo dawg, you got any queens?

Luppi- GO FISH!

Yammy- *Does so*

Grimmjow- Who's turn is it?

Luppi- Barragan's.

Barragan- I like PINE SOL!

Grimmjow- Good for you... *rolls his eyes*

Yammy- The fuk? PINE SOL?

Stark- Who knows. He's so drunk on sake all the time, it's hard telling how screwed up his Alzheimers is now...

Luppi- Barragan's a drinker?

Yammy- Aw hell yeah! I JUST DREW A QUEEN! *puts his pair down*

Grimmjow- Dammit! This guys good!

Orihime- Uh....hi?

Luppi- LITTLE BITCH! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET THE FU-

Aizen- Hello my dearest Espada children.

Espada- Hello Lord Aizen.

Aizen- Luppi, good to see you back! We all thought you were dead but your not. HA! What a coincidence! Anyways, where's Ulquiorra? I need him to give me a bikini wax.

Gin- HEYYYYYYYY!!!!!! *super creepy grin*

Grimmjow- Hey "Las Noche's Ugliest", how are you?

Gin- .........

Luppi- Yeah....um...funny you ask that Lord Aizen...ehehe...

Aizen- Well? Time is money and money is time. And my ass needs waxed. Where is he?

Grimmjow- Dude, how much hair do you have down there?

Gin- A LOT! TRUST ME!

Grimmjow- How do YOU know?

Yammy- Yo dawg! He's tied to Luppi's bedpos-OOMPH!MOFUK!OOMPH!

Luppi- *whispering to Stark* KEEP HIM QUIET! *hands him 50 bucks*

Gin- I like youuuuuuu. *stares wildly at Barragan*

Grimmjow- Oh hell the fuck no you did not just hit on that scraggly ass old man...

Gin- What? I just said I liked him. We're drinking buddies!

Grimmjow-WHAAAAAAATT? This dude's a hardcore drinker? Whoa.

Luppi- I er....think Ulquiorra ran to get......some.....TANNING CREAM! Yeah! That's where he went.

Aizen- ..........

Espada- *thinks Luppi's going to get busted*

Gin- Heeeee!

Aizen- Well...... tell him when he gets back to come wax my ^&*%! SEEE YA!!! *leaves happily*

Grimmjow- Ew.

Stark- *lets go of Yammy*

Yammy- MOFUK-

Luppi- Before you start cursing my brains out, let me SPEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yammy- *scared*

Luppi- Do you know if Aizen found out where Ulqui-kun is, I WOULD DIE AGAIN!?!?!!?!

Grimmjow- But you can ressurect yourself right?

Luppi- .......THAT'S NOT THE POINT! *flails wildly*

Stark- Can I go beddy bye now?

Luppi- NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! SIIT!!!!!

Stark- AAHHHHHHH!!!!! *cries*

Grimmjow- So you're scared of Aizen's wrath?

Luppi- YES!!!!!!!!

Yammy- Calm down Luppi. Take deep breaths.

Luppi- Ok.

**~In Wonderweiss's room....~**

Halibel- AW HELL YEA!!!!!

Szayel- WOOOOOO!!!!!!! *kickin ass in Halo Wars*

Nnoitora- Ehe. Hey, has Tousen came out the bathroom yet?

Szayel- Now that you mention it.....I don't think he has.

Halibel- Damn, it's been like 3 hours. It's already 2:00 a.m.

Nnoitora- What the fuck did that guy eat?

Szayel- Ahhh, I remember. It was Gin's special ketchup squid chocolate spaghetti.

Halibel- Ick.

Nnoitora- Ehehehe. Nyeh, sounds like.....trash.

Szayel- You sounded like Ulqui just now...

Nnoitora- Nyehehehe!!! I bet he's still tied up to Luppi's bedpo-

Aizen- Hello my OTHER ADOPTED Espada children.

Espada- Hello Foster Aizen!

Gin- HALO!

Halibel- You ain't playing. We kicked your ass last time foo. You suck.

Gin- WAAAAAHHH!!!!! MOMMY! *jumps in Aizen's arms*

Aizen- There there Ichimaru....it's okay. Mommy will buy you a new Xbox 360, a PS17747321739821, and the newest i-Pod.

Gin- YAY!!!!!!!

Szayel- Mommy? WTF?

Aizen- Pretend you didn't hear that. Anyways, has anybody seen Tousen?

Nnoitora- Nyeh? He's been in the bathroom for like 3 hours. Still hasn't come out.

Szayel- For what reasons we have no clue.

Gin- HEYYYY TOUSEN!!!!! *barges in the bathroom* UGH MY GOD! *dies of the horrible smell* I need to cut back on that squid spaghetti!!!!! NoMOARFORYOU MISTER!! *waves his finger at Tousen*

Tousen- Oh god.....my bowels...*falls over* I think my colon died....

Aizen- Ha! Classic. Tousen, wanna go hunt roly polys with me and Ichimaru? There's a whole bunch down in the 56th basement I heard!!!!

Tousen- SWEET! LET'S GO FOO!

*They leave*

**A/n- Review please?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/n- I do not own Bleach.**

* * *

**~In Luppi's OTHER room...~**

Ulquiorra- Will somebody get me out?

~no answer~

Ulquiorra- *sigh*

**~In the 56th basement...~**

Tousen- YO! I found one! *kills the roly poly*

Aizen- Sweeeeeeeeettttt....*roasts a marshmallow*

Gin- I'm tired of this game. We've hunted 46,876 roly polys already!!! Isn't Ulquiorra back?

Aizen- Y'know, I'm not sure. Let's go check!

Tousen- OH NO.

Gin and Aizen- *stops* What?

Tousen- *holding his stomach* I think it's time for another visit to the Las Noches Porta John.

Gin- Dude....you've seriously gotta cut back on that squid spaghetti.

Aizen- How come I never get these problems when I eat your food Gin?

Gin- Who knows?

Tousen- *Runs to the bathroom and slams the door to where it breaks off* Shit...

Gin- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You got no privacy!!!

Tousen- You're the perverted one for staring in the first place....oh wait....being a pervert is your specialty. I forgot.

Aizen- True. True.

Gin- TRUE?!?!?! WHY LORD AIZEN?!?! HOW?!?!?

Aizen- *puts a finger to his lip and thinks* Well......there was the ONE time you bought me sexy lingerie.

Tousen- Oh hell no...

Gin- .....

Aizen- Not to mention the time when you spied on me when I was in the shower with Nnoitora but that's a different story. OK TIME TO MOVE OUT!!

Tousen- You took a shower with WHO?

Aizen- Shut up. I make the rules. YOU don't. I have gorgeous brown locks. YOU don't. I have a gold tooth. YOU don't.

Gin-*pointing at Tousen laughing* HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Tousen- Shut the hell up "Las Noches's Ugliest".

Gin-.....

Aizen- TO THE BEDROOM!

~crickets chirping, everybody stares oddly~

Aizen- NOT FOR THAT REASON YOU MORONS! Sheesh! To Luppi's room so we can see if Ulquiorra is back with his tanning creme.

**~In Luppi's Room...~**

Luppi- ALRIGHT.....alright. I've calmed myself down. *takes deep breath*

*Someone knocks*

Luppi- COME IN!!!!!!!

Aizen- Greetings my beautiful espada children. Me, Tousen and Gin came to see if Ulquiorra was back from the store. I need to be WAXED. Pronto.

Yammy- No. Actually he's in Luppi's other bed-OOMPH!

Stark- I've got this. *drags Yammy out the room*

Luppi- Er uh....NO. He's not back yet. *nervous laugh*

Gin- But it's 4 o'clock in the morning. WHAT STORE IS OPEN THAT LONG?

Tousen- Hollow-Mart.

Gin- Oh.

Aizen- Hm. He probably can't decide which brand to get. I know how that feels.

Tousen- Except you look at the brands of OTHER things...not tanning creme...

Aizen- What was that?

Tousen- BATHROOM! *runs*

Szayel- HEY GUYS! I'M BACK!

Wonderweiss- 34x x 89y10

Szayel- I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SPEAK NORMAL!!!!!

Nnoitora- Hehe. Lord Aizen what are you doing here?

Gin- Looking f-

Aizen- *punches Gin in the stomach* I am Aizen. NOT you.

Gin- Sorry...

Aizen- We're still looking for Ulquiorra.

Nnoitora- Oh he's in Luppi's bedroom tied to his bedpost. Nyeh.

Luppi- NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! MY SECRET!!!!!!

Aizen- So he was here all along?

Nnoitora- Yep. Hehe.

~Aizen stares at Luppi~

Luppi- Uhhh.....

Aizen- Why didn't I think of that?!?!!?!

Gin- Think of what?

Aizen- Of tying him to my bedpost! That way he couldn't get away when I want to play doctor with him! Luppi.....you're brilliant! PURE GENIUS!!!!

**~Walks into Luppi's OTHER room~**

Ulquiorra- Lord Aizen.

Aizen- Hello my little friend. Wanna do something for me?

Ulquiorra- It would be an honour sir. But first, can somebody get me out of these chains?

Gin- OOOOOO!!!!! CHAINS!!!!! How naughty!

Ulquiorra- Stifle.

Gin- .......

Aizen- Fine but only if you wax my $$%^ for me.

Ulquiorra- .........

Aizen- What?

Ulquiorra- Why can't you have Gin or Tousen do it for you?

Aizen- Because they pull the strips too fast and I get wax burn. Plus it starts bleeding.

Ulquiorra- Then tell them to not pull the strips so fast.

Aizen- GOOD IDEA!!!!

Gin- Oh no.

Tousen- Hey guys what's up?

Ulquiorra- Where've you been?

Tousen- Bathroom.

Ulquiorra- Spaghetti?

Tousen- Yep.

Ulquiorra- Figures.

Aizen- Oh you're just in time Tousen. You and Gin will be waxing me today. And don't pull the strips too fast okay?

Tousen/Gin- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Ulquiorra- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Aizen- WHY IS EVERYBODY SCREAMING!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!

Tousen- BECAUSE WE WANT TOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Aizen- FINE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

**~They leave~**

Luppi- Well, I guess it's time to go to sleepy sleep now.

Nnoitora- OH! And we can tell bedtime stories while in the b- wait......is everybody sleeping in your bed?

Luppi- No.

Nnoitora- Then.....where we going to sleep he?

Yammy- Didn't you bring a sleeping bag foo?

Nnoitora- Uhhh nyehe.....no.

Espada- *rolls their eyes*

Halibel- *muffles*

Szayel- I KNOW! You can sleep with MEEEEEEE!!!!

Nnoitora- Sure! *climbs in sleeping bag with him*

Stark- If I hear any weird noises from you two while I'm sleeping, I will skin you alive with a cheese grater.

Szayel- Awww...

Luppi- First, we sleep. Then, we eat breakfast, then we go to the world of the living and kick- WAAIIITTT A minute.....where's Grimmjow?

Szayel- Yeah, now that you mention it....I haven't seen him lately...

Grimmjow- *comes out from under the bed* I was hiding.

Luppi- Why?

Grimmjow- BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!!!!

Yammy- ....why?

Grimmjow- I miss kicking Ichigo's ass.

Stark- That's not ALL you miss when it comes to his ass...

Espada- *laughter*

Grimmjow- URRRGGGHHH!!!!! I AM NOT GAY!!!

Luppi- Y'know, you should go read "IAmNotASardine's" story called "I Am Not Gay!". It's good.

Grimmjow- NO! I HATE HER! SHE SUCKS!

Luppi- Funny, because she's writing this...

Grimmjow- I DON'T CARE!

Yammy- I want some chocolate cake.

Szayel- Me too.

Wonderweiss- Luppi.

Luppi- No.

Wonderweiss- Awww...

Nnoitora- OH MY GOSH!!!! HE JUST SAID SOMETHING OTHER THAN ALGEBRA TALK!

Luppi- Gasp gasp....who cares...

Orihime- Hi everybody.

Luppi- GO AWAY I HATE YOU!!!!

*knock knock on the door*

Luppi- *singing voice* WHO IS IT?!?!?!

Ulquiorra- I'm coming in.

*enters*

Luppi- Police officer...

Ulquiorra- Stifle.

Luppi- NO!

Ulquiorra- You will or else!

Luppi- OR ELSE WHAT?

Nnoitora- So, hehehehe, did Aizen find you and let you go?

Ulquorra- Yes.

Szayel- Hahaha....did you have to

Nnoitora & Szayel in unison- Wax his %$&%?

Ulquiorra- ....No. Tousen and Gin are doing it.

Nnoitora/Szayel- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Luppi- Serves them right for being weird all the time.

Yammy- Well....

Luppi- Yes it is time to go to sleep now.

~Luppi shuts the light off and they lie down to sleep~

~Ten minutes later~

Nnoitora- *muffled sounds*

Szayel- *muffled sounds*

Yammy- What the fuk is that sound?

~Luppi turns the light o

Luppi- I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO DO THAT IN HERE!!!!!!

**A/n- Thanks for reading this story. Review please?**


End file.
